Fear of Being Alone
by Lilliana1
Summary: My friend Megan's father died last night. This chapter is dedicated to him.
1. Fear of Being Alone 1

~~ This is my third fic. I was having an awful day when Reba MacIntyre's It's Just The Fear Of Being Alone came on and I got the idea for this fic. It sort of reflected my mood. It might be a Carby if I continue it on a better day.  
  
~Lilliana~  
  
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Fear of Being Alone  
  
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She sighed as tears trickled down her face.  
  
She stared down at the full bottle of sleeping pills in her hand.  
  
The pain hurt too much.  
  
She couldn't take it any more.  
  
It's just the fear of being alone. Everything was going wrong in her life. It was all messed up. Eric. Maggie. John.  
  
She loved him so much it hurt. But something must not be right. If it was going smoothly, he would have proposed to her. He should have known she would never have said no, not to him, if he had done it right.  
  
But he obviously couldn't read her as well as she thought he could.  
  
So she would just let him completely off the hook. She would just get away from him, from everyone.  
  
She would end it all. It just hurt too much.  
  
She put the first two pills in her mouth. She took a swallow of water. Two down and a bottle to go, she thought.  
  
She put the next two pills in her mouth and swallowed.  
  
She dumped the next two onto her palm.  
  
Goodbye everybody, she thought. 


	2. Fear of Being Alone 2

~~This will be a Carby. I have decided to continue on with it because so many people sent reviews. Please review to this chapter, too, so that I know if people are still reading this fic. Don't take life for granted. It could all be taken in an instant.  
  
~Lilliana~  
  
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Fear of Being Alone  
  
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After Abby had swallowed six pills, she stuck her finger down her throat and vomited them up.  
  
No, she thought, I'm not ready to die yet.  
  
I still love Carter. Too much to loose him this way.  
  
She cried for ten minutes and thought about her mother, her brother, her boyfriend, and her life.  
  
No I really can't take it. I have to do it.  
  
I'm sorry John. I'm so, so sorry. I messed up my life and now yours is messed up, too. I'm sorry I caused you so much pain.  
  
I have to end it; I have to. Again she dumped the pills onto her palm.  
  
This time she didn't stop to vomit up the pills she had swallowed.  
  
Pretty soon she was passed out on her bathroom floor.  
  
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Carter slipped his keys into the lock. He kicked the bottom of the door twice, turned the knob, and then pushed the door open.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
He walked into the apartment he had been calling home for close to a year. Anywhere that she was could be considered home to him.  
  
He walked past the couch. He gasped when he saw her on the floor in the bathroom.  
  
"Oh my God! Abby!"  
  
He ran over to her limp form slumped on the rug.  
  
"Abby don't do this to me. Please don't do this to me. Abby don't leave me. Abby I love you more then life itself. Abby don't go." 


	3. Fear of Being Alone 3

~~Today, April 9, 2003, a young 7th grade girl collapsed when she finished running the shuttle run in her gym class. Her heart stopped beating and CPR was administrated to her. The paramedics arrived shortly and she was taken to the hospital. She was pronounced dead at around 9:30. She had an enlarged heart. Just this morning, she got ready for school, just like she had for the past months. She probably didn't say "I love you" to her parents and siblings, or give them an extra hug. She probably got to school and talked with her friends before changing into her gym clothes. Little did she know that today would be the last day she would ever get to see the sun rise, the wind blowing through the trees, snow on the ground, her family, her friends, or any one else that was special to her. It would mean so much to me if you would pray for her family and friends. I am having such a hard time understanding why God would take the life a little 7th grader. It seems only yesterday that it was me and I know that I could not have handled it if one of my friends died.  
  
~~I was not even thinking of killing off Abby, but if I had been, I could never have wrote it after what happened today. Again I say, please don't take life for granted. After you read this story, please go give your parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and anyone else close to you an extra special hug. Please tell them how much they mean to you and how glad you are that they are in your life. Always remember - everything could be taken away in an instant.  
  
~~ I was just informed right before I posted this fic that the girl that died was my best friend's old crush's sister. This chapter is dedicated to her.  
  
~Lilliana~  
  
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Fear of Being Alone  
  
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Carter scooped Abby up in his arms and ran as fast as his legs would carry him to his jeep.  
  
He somehow managed to get her into the jeep and ran around to the driver's side.  
  
He sped the whole way to County.  
  
He jumped out in the ambulance bay and began shouting for help.  
  
He pulled her into his arms again and ran into the hospital.  
  
Kerry, Susan, and Chen quickly ran up with a gurney.  
  
"What happened?" Susan asked Carter.  
  
"I don't know," he replied, his voice trembling, "I think she overdosed on sleeping pills."  
  
"Ok we got it from here," Weaver shouted as they pulled the gurney to Trauma 1.  
  
Carter watched as they did all they could to save her life. And then he did something that he had only done once or twice in his life.  
  
He prayed.  
  
He prayed to God that he would not take her life.  
  
He prayed that if God had to take a life, that he would take his in place of hers.  
  
God just couldn't take the love of his life.  
  
He just couldn't.  
  
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I am sorry this chapter is so short, but I really didn't feel like writing much. Normally writing makes me feel better but not today. Please review. 


	4. Fear of Being Alone 4

~~Thank you to all of you who review and prayed for the girl. I was just informed this morning that last night my very good friend Megan's father died. He was in the hospital over the weekend (I was not aware of that until today because we had been on spring break and she was at her mother's house). He died from liver problems caused by drinking. Yesterday was not a very good day for myself, my friends, or my school. Please do not start drinking heavily; drinking causes so many people their lives. I also lost my grandfather to alcohol caused liver problems.  
  
~~This chapter is dedicated to Megan's father.  
  
~~The poem used in this chapter is William Wordsworth's I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud. It is one of my favorite poems and I wanted to add it to this chapter.  
  
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Fear of Being Alone  
  
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After what seemed like years but was only 20 or 30 minutes, Carter heard a voice shaking him from his thoughts.  
  
"John?"  
  
Carter looked up at Kerry and immediately stood up. "How is she? Is so going to be all right? Is she going to make it?"  
  
"Yes. We gave her charcoal and had to intubate her but she should pull through."  
  
Carter sighed loudly and then whispered, "Thank you God."  
  
"How are you holding up?"  
  
"Ok now, I suppose. Can I see her?"  
  
"Sure," Kerry said, watching him walk carefully to the door and gently push it open. It didn't take a genius to tell how much he loved Abby. She hoped that they would both pull through this.  
  
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Carter sat down in a chair next to the gurney.  
  
The beeping and buzzing of the monitors and ventilator seemed deafening in the small room.  
  
He gently picked up Abby's small hand in his. When he touched her, he heard one of the beeping noises getting slightly quicker.  
  
She knew he was there with her.  
  
"Abby I love you. I wanted to read you a poem  
  
I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodil; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze. Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the milky way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.  
  
The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay, In such a jocund company: I gazed and gazed but little thought What wealth the show to me had brought:  
  
For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils.  
  
Abby think about daffodils. Think about everything fun you have ever done. You don't want to let that all go, do you? Think about girl's night with Deb and Susan. And remember, you still get to take me bowling, 'like your people'. Abby I love you. Never doubt that, never."  
  
He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it lightly.  
  
"I love you."  
  
He thought he felt her hand tighten around his. 


End file.
